we Attract Who we Are
For a long time, I believed the reason I struggled to build meaningful relationships was external. I thought I was surrounded by the wrong people, in the wrong environments, at the wrong times. Whether it was friendships, business connections, or personal relationships, the outcomes were often disappointing and rarely aligned with what I truly wanted.
Nothing changed until I did.
About ten years ago, I made a decision that would reshape my life: I stopped searching for answers outside of myself and began looking inward. What I discovered was both uncomfortable and freeing. The issue wasn’t that I was attracting the wrong people, it was that I hadn’t yet become the person capable of attracting and sustaining healthy, aligned relationships.
Did you know, we don’t attract what we want, but we attract who we are?
Our habits, beliefs, emotional wounds, communication styles, and self-worth silently shape the people and opportunities that enter our lives. Until those internal factors are addressed, external change is temporary at best.
If you are ready to make a change and attract the right people, circumstances, and opportunities into your life, continue reading.
Why Internal Work Matters
Healthy relationships require:
Emotional awareness
Clear boundaries
Mutual respect
Accountability
Authentic communication
If we lack these internally, we unconsciously accept less or create misalignment.
When I began working on myself, I noticed fewer chaotic connections and more meaningful ones. The quality of my relationships improved because the quality of me improved.
Practical Solutions: How to Start the Inner Work
Growth doesn’t happen by accident. It happens through intentional action and honest self-evaluation. Here are practical ways to begin shifting from the inside out:
1. Identify Repeating Patterns
Pay attention to the relationships that didn’t work and ask:
What do they have in common?
What role did I play in those outcomes?
Patterns are teachers when we’re willing to listen.
Action Step: Write down three relationships that ended poorly and note the similarities in behavior, communication, or expectations.
2. Take Ownership Without Shame
Growth requires accountability, not self-blame. Owning your part empowers you to change it.
Action Step: Replace “Why does this keep happening to me?” with “What is this teaching me about myself?”
3. Become the Person You Want to Attract
If you want trustworthy people, become trustworthy.
If you want supportive relationships, become supportive.
If you want honesty, practice honesty—even when it’s uncomfortable.
Action Step: Make a list of qualities you value most in others. Circle the ones you consistently demonstrate.
4. Heal What’s Beneath the Surface
Unhealed wounds often attract familiar pain, not healthy connection. Fear of abandonment, people-pleasing, or low self-worth can quietly shape your choices.
Action Step: Consider journaling, coaching, counseling, or faith-based reflection to process unresolved emotions.
5. Set and Honor Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t walls they’re standards. They protect your time, energy, and emotional health.
Action Step: Decide what behavior you will no longer tolerate and practice communicating it clearly and calmly.
6. Evaluate Your Inner Dialogue
How you speak to yourself shapes how you allow others to treat you.
Action Step: Notice negative self-talk and intentionally replace it with truth-based affirmations.
The Outcome of Taking the time to do the work
When you commit to becoming more self-aware, emotionally healthy, and aligned with your values, your environment responds. You attract people who respect you, opportunities that fit you, and relationships that feel safe and genuine.
